I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
