I feel like abortions should bother me more
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
