You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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