Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
