i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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