you turned your livingroom into a bong?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
