Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
