Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
