I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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