I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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