This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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