Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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