Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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