man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
