The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
