please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
