what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I believe in your delicious
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
