I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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