Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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