forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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