Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
