The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
