it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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