your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
