Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
