Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
