She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
organizing the empties. That sober.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
