i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize