You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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