totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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