I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
