I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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