just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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