I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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