What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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