Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
