We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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