the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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