ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
