My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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