So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
