you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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