I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
