When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
