mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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