their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
