Your face is a jimmy john
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
