I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize