Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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