At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
