I wanna bring you to show and tell
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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