Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
