I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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