I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
