eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
