I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
