to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
