Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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