We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
