I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
