Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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