OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
