So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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