pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
