your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
