He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
