what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
