No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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