living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
