I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
