hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
