this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
