girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
