did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
