I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize