You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
