i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
