There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
