If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
