How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
