Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
