She said her name was "party"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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