I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
