i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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