so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
