Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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