Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
