i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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