whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
