In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
