$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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