WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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