I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you never un-have a 4some
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
