it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
