hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
